느낌아니까

Do you know how hard it is, to just watch everything happen in front of your eyes
Do you know how hurtful it is, to know all these?
It's not easy at all, and I don't know why, but it also hurts so much. I'm trying so hard, but you can't see it. I'm trying my best, but you won't see it. It's like I'm poking this open wound I have, again and again, I'm letting my wound be meddled with. I bruise easily and it hurts physically, but the emotional pain hurts so much more than my bruises.
No matter how much I tell myself to forget it, no matter how hard I try to avoid, how hard I try to run away from reality, I still have to face the cold hard reality in front of me.
I'm not strong enough to face it over and over again.
I've been trying so hard to avoid it. Why do I have to face it? Why!!!!!!!!!
Tried to change my lifestyle to a healthier one, but I guess there's no better replacement of this pain.
Like a drug I turn to it again, to forget everything for at least a while, to stop the pain for at least a while.